Crazy Budget SALTY DOG

Please to examine this marketing material. Note, if you'd like, the fact that there is a fugly, enormous interactive whiteboard placed jankily on top of a chalkboard, ill-advised but still workable. Note, too, the startling blankness of the room (where are these kids? In a rented office building? Prison? What kind of a classroom doesn't even have a clock?) The lesson appears to be in Dutch, what with so many extraneous vowels, but does that really excuse the teacher's shoddy fashion sense? Also, can someone please teach these kids to raise their hands properly, please?

But none of this is the epicenter of the low-budgetry of this particular photo. No, that award most definitely goes to the child smack-dab in the center of the photo, the slouchiest of all children, who is wearing a shirt which proclaims, in enormous letters, the only truly legible letters in this whole photo, SALTY DOG. Really, marketing people? Really. How is this acceptable. Did you think it would provide a bit of swashbuckling allure to have this child decked out in nautical sloganry? Did you think it would insinuate that students who get to use your products are well-behaved, engaged, excited? Or uncouth and dastardly? Or maybe just have no concept of, I don't know, English? At least could you have gotten the kid to sit up straight so he didn't look like a dead body you had dressed in an inappropriate article of clothing and propped in a chair for your friggin' photoshoot?

Ah, but obviously something about your product disturbs the mind. Here, for example, we have your concept for what is an acceptable lesson plan for Halloween:



Firstly, why is Halloween in quotes? Are you quoting someone? Secondly, what's with the huge creepy Hello Kitty carrying a pumpkin? Is this your concept of Halloween? Where are you from? Is this the first thing you found when you Googled "Halloween"? Is that why there are quotes? Did you accidentally add "most terrifying costume" to your search field? What is wrong with you?

Aha, here is what is wrong with you:



Obviously, you were traumatized by being taught a hideously distorted version of the Periodic Table (it appears to have been confused with Kabbahlistic goat sacrifice diagrams) far too young by a doltish-looking kid your own age?. (Please note that the caption for this image involves claims to "enlarge the functions of classrooms." What does this even mean. What.)

Honestly, this is so far away from all conceptions of budget that budget doesn't even play into it. We're just talking about crazy here. Crazy budget, marketing people: you have been using only the budget of your crazy. I'm done with this. I can't even be coherent about it.